Category / life

My entry for “Parent of the Year,” circa 2011

Three ready to go... where's Abby?It’s not like I haven’t been here before. In fact, I seem to have a knack for putting myself in exactly the right position to be used as an excellent example of what not to do when raising your children. Examples include the missing Tooth Fairy, the broken collar bone, and the broken arm.

Remembering that broken arm incident actually makes me feel a little better about this, so I’m glad I paused a moment to reflect. Still, this was pretty egregious. It started with the idea that a kids triathlon would be fun…

The kids have been swimming on the North Willow Swim Team for the last two years, including daily practices and two meets a week for the past month or so. They all have ridden their bikes to Bub’s for burgers and back, so I knew that putting a few miles behind them wouldn’t be a problem. (Of course, in the race, they wouldn’t be stopping in the middle to eat The Big Ugly and a milkshake, but still…) And the run, well… let’s just say it ain’t that far.

So they are all geared up and we head to Zionsville on Monday, July 4, for the big event. It should be pretty simple: 7-10 year olds will swim 100 meters, bike 1.8 miles and run .8 miles. All of them can do this pretty easily, so I’m not worried. And, honestly, neither are they. (Except Abby, who is uncontrollable terrified for some unknown reason. She cries for about an hour and refuses to take off her shoes. “They’ll only slow you down in the pool,” says I. She is unmoved.)

At check-in, I discover that the triathlon powers-that-be have designated that competitors will compete at the age they will be on December 31. For everyone but Lily, that’s their current age. Unfortunately for Lily, this puts her in the 11-12 year-old group and changes just about everything. The event she signed up for suddenly became a little horrific: the swim is now 200 meters, the bike ride is 4.5 miles, and the run is 1.8 miles. As far as I know, Lily hasn’t run over a mile at one time in her life. Additionally, when I think about the math, it’s clear to me that she could be competing head-to-head with girls who could be two years older.

To help keep her calm, I keep all of this information to myself.

In the end, they all raced like champions. After watching the older kids kick off the event, Abby set her fears (and her shoes) aside and joined the fray. She and Grace finished 3 & 4, respectively. Abby was just 1:02 from finishing first behind an 8-year-old. Jack finished in the middle of the field, 15th out of 26. There were only three minutes separating him from 5th. And Lily, to my everlasting joy, finished 17th out of 20, just a few minutes from the main pack.

When I asked them if they had fun and whether they were excited about the next one, Lily responded: “I’ll do my next one in 6th grade.” That went completely over my head until Charmaine explained that by then she’ll be 12.

If you’re interested, you can download the complete race results. And here are a few photos of race day:

Silence speaks volumes. Are you listening?

Take time to listen...

Take time to listen…

Sabina Nawaz wrote a post today about setting aside time for silence to allow ideas to emerge and new concepts to form. I don’t think I could agree more. This frenetic pace we’re all on to do more with (seemingly) less time has caused a crises of sorts. If we’re surrounded by even 30 seconds of silence, many of us will reach for our iPhones to check email.

In her post, she talks about coaching executives:

Frequently they tell me about the sacrifices they’ve made for their work: how they’ve slept only three hours the night before, haven’t exercised in months, missed their children’s games. They’re busy because their work is important. They operate under tight timelines and competitive pressures. The stakes are high.

In response, she suggest they try something counter-intuitive: Do less. She recalls John Cage‘s seminal piece 4’33”, which consists of exactly four minutes and thirty-three seconds of silence. I don’t know if you’ve heard it, but you might find it difficult to sit still that long. When the BBC aired the performance, they had to turn off their emergency systems that are designed to automatically fill silence with music. I suspect that your emergency systems would kick in almost as quickly as the radio stations. But silence is exactly what all of us need more of.

If you’re stuck on a problem and the answers evade you, silence can lead the way. If you have writer’s block and can’t seem to find the perfect word (or the motivation to look for it), try silence. If your teenager asks for a car, silence might just work wonders. (Just kidding.)

Nawaz suggest some tips for making your forays into the world of silence successful. Intention is the key, she says:

Set aside a specific time. Find two hours a week. It’s helpful to block out times that are least likely to be requested for meetings: Friday afternoons or before colleagues arrive in the morning.

Turn off the noise. This is not the time to answer emails or tackle a long-neglected project.

Experiment until you find the right format for you. Some people stay at their computers but turn off all Internet access; others journal. Some leave the office to avoid interruptions; they go to a separate building, on a long walk, or a drive into the mountains.

Keep your white space dates. Just as you don’t build muscles by showing up sporadically at the gym, perspective isn’t something you find once and then never need to foster again.

For me, I’ve turned off the radio in the car. I often ride without headphones. The hour I spend in Adoration each week is perhaps the most perfect silence I’ve found. You may find it differently… you may also find that anytime you sit quietly for four minutes you fall asleep, which is really telling you something else entirely.

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If you’re reading this, you probably agree. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

Today’s #trust30 prompt is:

It is easy in the world to live after the world’s opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude. – Ralph Waldo Emerson, Self-Reliance

The world is powered by passionate people, powerful ideas, and fearless action. What’s one strong belief you possess that isn’t shared by your closest friends or family? What inspires this belief, and what have you done to actively live it?

This may be one of the most thought-provoking things I’ve encountered and, I confess, I’m having a difficult time coming up with an answer. The problem isn’t coming up with things in which I strongly believe; the difficulty lies in finding one that my family and friends don’t share. But isn’t that the way of the world?

I believe, and I think my friends and family would agree, that our beliefs are what bring us together. I would have lots of acquaintances and friends who may disagree on a whole bevy of issues, but on the core issues– the closely held beliefs that essentially define who we are– we’re much more likely to be the same than vastly different.

In the spirit of the exercise, I’ll tell you a few of my beliefs and you can let me know if you disagree:

  • I believe the exuberance of youth is enhanced (not quashed) by the wisdom of experience.
  • I believe as iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another man.
  • I believe that open, honest communication– even if it hurts– is better than the alternative.
  • I believe your future is only limited by the limits you place on yourself.
  • I believe in the power of dreams.
  • I believe we should help each other, not for the purpose of some future recompense, but because it’s the right thing to do.
  • I believe God formed you in the womb to be the person that you are and parents should follow the Hippocratic Oath: “First, do no harm.”

I’m sure there are others, but these are on my mind right now… What do you think?

#trust30 on Twitter; on the web; on my mind.

To whom should I turn?

I have a friend who is sick… again. I have another friend who is jobless. Another whose marriage is failing. Another who is far, far from home. And another… And another… Each of them are facing the future with all the courage they can muster, though a shallow fear may be lying just below the surface. To whom should I turn with my concern for each?

In contrast, I have found increasing abundance. There are a myriad of tiny blessings in every moment. When I reach out and pick up my child, hold her in my arms and feel her breath on my ear when she says, “I love you, Daddy;” there are a million facets required to experience something so simple yet so profound. They  should be duly noted, correctly attributed, and faithfully called out, each in turn. And then: appreciation. To whom should my gratitude be directed for all that I have; all that I am?  To what do I owe my undeserved fortune?

To God, perhaps? I think so. And maybe this gratitude is a simple act of faith and humility, courage and conviction, and the absolute surrender of any semblance of control. I am responsible for my own actions and reactions, but certainly not for anything else… Though I may work hard to understand and appreciate, I created neither the mind nor the heart that makes it possible.

I am reminded a quote I’ve heard only a few times but remember well:

“I have been driven many times upon my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere else to go. My own wisdom, and that of all about me, seemed insufficient for the day.”

– Abraham Lincoln

If Lincoln, accomplished and successful as he was, was driven to his knees to find solace, strength, and peace– especially in light of the crisis he was facing– that’s good enough for me, too.

[Ed. note: Speaking of Lincoln, I highly recommend this short piece by Jamie Stiehm discussing his “Farewell to Springfield.” It’s a wonderful, humanizing look at this eloquent man who could speak off the cuff as perfectly as if he’d been toiling over drafts for days… And here is yet another account of the entire day, especially noting the time spent in Indianapolis, well documented and artfully expressed by Ted Widmer of the New York Times.]

Experimental ‘skin cell gun’ aims to forever change burn treatment

Sometimes you see something that is so incredible it defies explanation. In this case, both the concept and the application are simple to understand. What’s incomprehensible is how well it works.

In this brief video from National Geographic, Jörg Gerlach of the McGowan Institute for Regenerative Medicine explains how their work with adult stem cells can work to regenerate skin using the patient’s own cells. The most amazing part is the very last statement, where burn victim Matthew Uram says, “They did [the procedure] on Friday and my follow up was that Monday and the burn unit said it was healed. Completely healed.”

You really have to see it to believe it; and even that might not be enough: