Lover's Lane

A cop was patrolling at night in a well-known spot. He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing. The cop carefully approaches the car to get a closer look. Peering through the window, he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He then notices a young woman in the back seat, knitting.

Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop gently raps on the driver’s window. The young man lowers it.

“Uh, yes, officer?”

“What are you doing?”

“Well, I’m reading a magazine, Sir.”

Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the cop says: “And her, what is she doing?”

The young man shrugs: “I believe she’s knitting a pullover sweater, Sir.”

Now, the cop is totally confused. A young couple; alone, in a car, at night in a lovers’ lane, and nothing is happening!

“What’s your age, young man?”

“I’m 25, Sir.”

“And her,” he motions to the girl in the back. “What’s her age?”

The young man looks at his watch and replies: “She’ll be 18 in 11 minutes.”

7:30 am Tee Time with a Power Threesome

Moses and Jesus were in a threesome playing golf one day. Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. The ball landed in the fairway, but rolled directly toward a water hazard. Quickly Moses raised his club, the water parted, and the ball rolled to the other side, safe and sound.

Next, Jesus strolled up to the tee and hit a nice long drive directly toward the same water hazard. It landed right in the middle of the pond but kind of hovered over the water, which would allow Jesus to casually walked out on the pond and chip the ball onto the green.

The third guy got up and took a big swing. The ball headed out over the fence and into oncoming traffic on a nearby street. It bounced off a truck and hit a nearby tree. From there, it bounced onto the roof of a shack close by and rolled down into the gutter, down the drain spout, out onto the fairway and straight toward the aforementioned pond. On the way to the pond, the ball hit a stone, bounced out over the water and onto a lily pad, where it rested quietly. Suddenly, a very large bullfrog jumped up on the lily pad and snatched the ball into his mouth. Just then, an eagle swooped down and grabbed the frog and flew away. As they passed over the green, the frog squealed with fright and dropped the ball, which bounced twice and rolled into the cup for a hole in one.

Moses turned to Jesus and said, “I hate playing with your Dad.

Nascar and the Car Chase Effect

Frank Deford, senior contributing editor at Sports Illustrated, offered a commentary on NPR yesterday that drew a direct correlation between movie car chases and the popularity of NASCAR.

Says Frank:

“The Daytona 500 is even being billed as one of the four prestige TV events during February sweeps: The Superbowl, The Grammys, The Oscars, and the Daytona 500. That’s like champagne, platinum, silk and turnips.”

“What I hated most about the movies when I was a kid was when the drama would give way to the mushy kissing. What I hate most about them now are car chases. I think there is a direct correlation between the number of stupid car chases in movies and the popularity of NASCAR.”

“Some people think that NASCAR fans watch the events to see cars crash. Don’t these idiots get it? They watch to see cars chase. Sure the car chases are better in the movies, but in NASCAR you get to scratch and scream and drink beer as you watch cars chase ’round and ’round and ’round…”

[Listen to Frank’s commentary]

USS San Francisco in Dry Dock

The Los Angeles Class attack submarine USS San Francisco ran aground approximately 350 miles south of Guam on January 8, 2005. The vessel was traveling at approximately 25 knots at a depth of 500 feet when it hit a previously uncharted seamount. Several sailors were injured in the collision, including one who died two days later from his injuries. The boat is now in dry dock. News emerged this past weekend that the Commander of the boat has been relieved of duty. The photo (right) shows some of the damage sustained.

[See additional photos]
[Read a letter from a sailor aboard San Francisco]
[Read the Situation Report (PDF)]
[Read the history of USS San Francisco]

I Could Be Going to Starbucks Too Much

Yes, it’s true that when we turn into (or, actually, even pass) a Starbucks, the kids will say, “Are you getting coffee, Daddy?” But I hadn’t fully realized just how common this was. Or maybe it isn’t that common and my kids are just brilliant.

Either way, last night I was giving Lily and Jack a bath and they were pretending to make me coffee. Fill a cup with water, say something like “Here you go, sir”, or “Here’s your coffee, sir.” I’d pretend to drink it; they’d make another. Then Lily said, “I’m going to make your favorite, Dad: a Coffee Alexandra with a little bit of room.”

When I go to Starbucks, I almost always order a Cafe Americano with a little bit of room (so I don’t end up wearing it instead of drinking it.)

Just one more indication to be very, very careful what you say around little ears. They are always listening.